If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
