woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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