He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
NoShamevember. You game?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
