every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
