mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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