is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
