Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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