we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
