Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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