I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
