I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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