and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
