we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
