good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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