rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
