Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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