im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
