OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
