I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
