I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
