So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
