I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
