even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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