Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
