better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
