Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
