I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
