why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
