You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My ATM looks so different sober.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
