I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
