that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
