It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
