Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
