Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
