so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
