Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
