I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
