just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
