I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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