I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He kissed a someone with a penis
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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