also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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