no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never let your siblings swipe right.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
