party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
this beer tastes like vomit already
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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