Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i love accidental penises.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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