he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
