Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
