Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
