im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
