Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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