One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
