mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
