6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
