DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
