he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
