Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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