Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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